


and if this is the only thing I want

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-02-13
Updated: 2007-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-03 20:37:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8729215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: "In the end though, Jensen knows it's stupid for him to be jealous of Jared's friends from school. These are the people he takes English 101 with for pete's sake. They aren't a threat to him."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Title** \- and if this is the only thing I want  
**Pairing** \- bartender!jensen/college student!jared, mentions of chad, sandy and sophia  
**Rating** \- NC17  
**Word Count** \- 4100  
**Written for** \- the [ ](http://community.livejournal.com/j2_otpathon/profile)[](http://community.livejournal.com/j2_otpathon/)**j2_otpathon** with the prompts of J2, make-up sex, Texas  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_**and if this is the only thing I want**_  
  
  
  
Her name is Sandy. She’s about four feet tall with the biggest tits Jensen’s seen in real life. They’re actually kind of ridiculous. She’s also tiny, cute, perky, and has done nothing for the past three hours except flirt with Jared and stare at his ass.   
  
Jensen hates Sandy. He hates her a lot.   
  
The problem is, she’s a friend of Jared’s. Jared said as much with his easy “Jensen, hey. These are my friends from school,” when the group of them walked in a few hours earlier. Jensen had smiled, stuck out his hand for Chad to shake and nodded at the two dark haired girls with them. The one girl seemed nice enough. Jensen couldn’t remember her name, but she smiled at him real sweet when she shook his hand. Sandy though…  
  
There was something about her, about Sandy in particular, that really set Jensen’s teeth on edge. Something about the way she’d looked back at Jensen, like she was sizing him up, trying to see what kind of competition he’d be, had Jensen wanting to grab Jared by the hair and suck hickey’s into the tan skin of his throat, right there in front of the whole group of them.   
  
Not that he’d ever _do_ that, of course, but the idea does have its perks.   
  
In the end though, Jensen knows it’s stupid for him to be jealous of Jared’s friends from school. These are the people he takes English 101 with for pete’s sake. They aren’t a threat to him. None of them have anything with Jared that comes anywhere _close_ to what Jensen does. But still, every time Jensen thinks he’s doing all right with it and not acting like a jealous ass, he manages to catch Sandy sitting in Jared’s lap or pinching his ass and common sense goes flying out the window.   
  
Jensen wants her hands _off_ Jared, and he wants them off _now_.  
  
It pisses Jensen off that he feels this way. After all, him and Jared never actually talked about anything, and hell. For all Jensen knows, all Jared is doing is hanging around, having fun. Getting a few beers at the bar every night when he comes down. Random handjobs in the liquor room while Jensen’s on break, but that’s it. Maybe Jensen was making too much out of everything. It wouldn’t be the first time, and Jesus. Just because he’d turned into a lovesick ass since the night he met Jared it sure as hell didn’t have to mean Jared felt the same way.   
  
Jensen’s going to have to start remembering that.   
  
“You wipe that glass any harder you’re gonna wear a hole right through it.” The voice coming from the other side of the bar is deep, raspy and female, and when Jensen turns he’s surprised to find the other girl Jared came in with sitting there, smiling at him. He racks his brain – he could swear Jared introduced her to Jensen too – but at the time he was so busy staring daggers at Sandy that he must have missed it. He smiles sheepishly and ducks his head, not quite meeting her eyes.   
  
“Uh, yeah. I guess I’d better…” the glass wobbles when Jensen drops it onto the bartop, then sticks his hands in the front pockets of his jeans. God, he’s acting like an ass tonight.   
  
The girl grins, and Jensen sees she has two deep dimples and the prettiest smile he’s ever seen. Her dark red blouse is cut so low it almost needs it’s own warning label, not that Jensen was _looking_ looking, but damn. She made it kind of hard not to.   
  
“I’m Sophia,” she tells him. Jensen wishes he could kick himself, because, yeah, he remembers Jared saying that now.   
  
He sticks his hand out. “Sorry, I’m—“  
  
“You’re Jensen,” she finishes quietly. Her hand is small and warm, her fingers curling around his longer than necessary. Long, dark hair spills over her shoulder as she tosses her head and leans closer to the bar. “And it’s really nice meeting you.”  
  
*  
  
An hour later, Jensen’s hunched forward, his right hand opened wide and pressed against Sophia’s palm. She had made a comment about having the smallest hands out of everyone she knew, and Jensen had laughed, insisted she show him, and that they do a hand to hand comparison. They’d been drinking straight tequila for a while, and it seemed like a good idea at the time.   
  
They’re still giggling and laughing, hands pressed together and heads bent close when Jared walks up, his beer bottle banging loudly on the bar.   
  
Jensen looks up and smiles. “Hey, Jared, this is the funniest thing—“  
  
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Jared’s voice is tight and clipped. Jensen lets his hand fall away, and dimly hears Sophia’s chair squeaking against the floor as she pushes back, waving and calling a quick goodbye.   
  
Jensen straightens up and catches the heated, pissed off look on Jared’s face, his chest puffed tight against a dark blue button down shirt, and if that ain’t the best thing Jensen’s seen all day. _Jared_ is pissed. Jesus.   
  
Arms crossed over his chest, Jensen raises his chin. “What’s up?”  
  
“Oh, nothing.” Jared shrugs – a huge, exaggerated move - and Jensen has to fight the urge to punch him in his damn, smirking mouth. “You having fun hanging out with my friends?”  
  
Jensen can’t believe it. He gapes for a minute, then says, “Am I what? Am _I_ having fun with _your_ friends? Jesus, Jared, you—“  
  
“I what?” Jared’s voice snaps as it cuts him off. He’s looming in front of Jensen, fingers curled tight around the edge of the bar, and Jensen has to fight the urge to drag him down and bite his mouth. How he can be so pissed off and so turned on at the same time is a goddamn mystery.   
  
One step back, two. Jensen breathes and meets Jared’s slanted eyes straight on. “I was just gonna say, you looked pretty busy over there anyway. Didn’t think you’d mind if I was talking to one of your other friends.”  
  
“Busy over where? With _what_ , Jensen?” Jared’s opening and closing his hands in fists, one of his key frustrated moves. Jensen hates that he pissed Jared off so much, but hell. It’s only payback for Jared pissing Jensen off earlier so all’s fair as far as Jensen is concerned.   
  
He nods to where Sandy is watching them, looking for all the world like if she stares at Jensen long enough maybe he’ll burst into flames. “You and your friend Sandy. You two looked pretty tight.”  
  
“Me and _Sandy_?” Jared’s voice hits a pitch that if Jensen wasn’t so angry he’d find comical. “Me and Sandy are _friends_ , Jensen. You don’t even _know_ Sophia.”  
  
“That’s pretty funny, Jared. ‘Cause I’ve got a _lot_ of friends and I don’t go around sitting in their laps every damn night.”   
  
This whole thing is bullshit. Jensen’s too old for this; the college headaches and drama. He’d thought Jared was different, but maybe he was wrong. It wouldn’t be the first time.   
  
“Look, you know what? I’m sorry.” Jensen lifts his hands palms up in the air. He shrugs, tries to put across as much of a _hey man, don’t worry about it_ vibe that he can. Jared watches him warily, long arms folded tightly across his broad chest. “I’m gonna head home and we’ll just forget about this. Just – I don’t know – forget about all of it if you want.”   
  
Danny’s downstairs, all Jensen has to do is call down and let him know that it’s slow and Jensen’s heading home for the night. The more he thinks about it, the better of an idea it seems, and before he realizes what he’s doing, Jensen’s yanking the towel from the back of his jeans and tossing it onto the cooler. Fuck this. He’s had enough.   
  
“What the hell are you talking about?” Jared sounds pissed off. Jensen shakes his head and walks away. Jared will get over it eventually. It’s probably better off, and plus, this way he can make _Sandy_ happy and won’t that be the best thing ever.   
  
“Forget about _what_ , Jensen?” Jared calls after him as Jensen starts walking away, but all he does is hold up a hand, and keep walking. It’s just easier this way.   
  
*  
  
Jensen’s not even home twenty minutes when Jared’s pounding at his door.   
  
“Goddamit, Jared.” Jensen’s sitting on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table, his fingers curled around the sweating neck of a bottle of Bud.   
  
Jensen had been stupid, was the bottom line. This whole _thing_ had been stupid. Jensen had known it from that first night when he met Jared because of a dumbass bet Chad put him up to, and he should have trusted his instincts from then. Things like this – like him and Jared – didn’t happen in real life. Or if they did, they didn’t happen in _Jensen’s_ life, that’s for damn sure.   
  
He’s been fooling himself this whole time thinking things could work out. Jared is a smart guy, a college guy, and Jensen’s just a bartender at a local watering hole. They’d never really stood a chance, and it’s better for everyone involved for Jensen to have realized it now.   
  
But if the constant pounding on the door is any indication, Jared’s not too quick on getting the hint.   
  
“Jensen Ackles, I will break your fucking door and come in there to kick your _ass_ if you don’t get up and let me in right fucking—“  
  
“For God’s sake, Jared.” Jensen jumps off the couch and yanks the door open with an angry pull. Jared’s standing there, red-faced and breathing hard, and Jensen just wants him gone. This whole thing would end so much easier if Jared would stop arguing with him about it. He folds his arms over his chest and levels Jared with a stare. “You shouldn’t be here. Go back and hang out with your friends, man.”  
  
The door slamming shut and footsteps following Jensen into the apartment don’t surprise him, but he wishes to god Jared would just _leave_. When Jared grabs Jensen’s shoulder, Jensen reaches up and yanks Jared’s arm, twisting it around and shoving him up against the wall.   
  
“I said you should go.” Jensen curls his fingers tight in Jared’s shirt, hearing the cotton stretch and twist around his fingers. Jared’s looking down, staring at Jensen like he’s completely lost his mind which might actually be the truth. When he moves to put his hands on Jensen’s waist, Jensen backs away. “Jared—“  
  
“What’s with you, man?” Jared’s voice is quiet. He sounds confused and hurt, not angry, and that tears Jensen up more than anything. If they could end this with some yelling and a few punches, Jensen would be fine, but Jared’s pulling out the wounded puppy eyes and Jensen’s completely powerless. Jared covers the hand that’s wrapped in his shirt and squeezes. “Tell me what’s going on.”  
  
Jensen closes his eyes because he can’t do this when he’s looking at Jared. He can’t. “You should be with your friends, Jared,” he finally says. His throat is working hard over the lump lodged in it, and he swallows again and looks off to the side. “You and me…” he trails off, shaking his head as Jared curves a hand around Jensen’s shoulder and pulls him closer. “It’s too hard,” Jensen finally says. “You should be with your friends, Chad and Sandy and the rest of them. You and me are…”  
  
“What I want.” Jared’s voice is flat, dead quiet and serious.   
  
Jensen looks down and shakes his head. “Jared, listen—“  
  
“ _You’re_ what I want, Jen. I want _this_.” And Jensen wants to be strong, wants to tell Jared that he’s better off in his school with his friends, but Jared’s pulling him closer, touching the back of Jensen’s neck, the sides of his face, and Jensen’s slowly losing all control. “God, Jen, you don’t even know—“   
  
“I don’t want you to be stuck with me, Jared. I don’t want you to feel obligated or stuck in this or—“  
  
Jared yanks Jensen’s shirt so hard he’s forced to look up. Jared’s staring at him, more pissed off than Jensen’s ever seen, and when he says, “I have never wanted to punch you more than I do right now,” Jensen tries to look down, look away, but Jared’s not having any of it. “You think I’m hanging around because I feel _bad_ for you, you dumb fucking asshole? You think I’d _do_ that?”  
  
Jensen blinks. He doesn’t know why but Jared just doesn’t get it. Jensen tries to open his mouth to explain it to him again because it isn’t hard to understand. Jared would be better off without him, end of story but Jared’s leaning down, grabbing the sides of Jensen’s face and turning his head so Jared can kiss his mouth, hard and bruising.   
  
Jared’s angry and frustrated. Jensen can feel it in the way his hands tighten on Jensen’s shoulders and neck. He’s breathing hard into Jensen’s mouth, soft whimpers and moans, and Jensen can’t help it. He closes his eyes and kisses Jared back.   
  
“God, I’m sorry,” Jared breathes. He’s touching Jensen’s face, his eyes and cheeks and mouth. “Whatever I did to make you feel like this I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”  
  
“It’s okay, Jared.” Jensen steps in closer, his leg between both of Jared’s thighs, and lines their bodies up, muscle pressed against muscle. “I was being an ass and—“  
  
“I want you so much.” Jared’s voice dips low, his hands drop down to touch Jensen’s shoulders, his chest, the waist of his jeans. Jensen’s throat feels tight and closed, Jared’s hands moving on him slow enough to feel every touch, every press of fingers and palm. “All I ever do is think about you, wanting you.” He looks up and Jensen’s heart stutters at the heat in Jared’s eyes. “If you don’t want me than say so, Jensen, but give me a reason. Don’t blame this on me.”  
  
“I do want you.” Jensen curls his fingers around Jared’s wrist, and tugs him forward. He takes small steps back – he’ll hit the couch or the bed eventually – and smiles softly when Jared follows. “I want you so much that I don’t know what to do with it all sometimes.”  
  
They get to the bed first, the edge of the mattress digging into the backs of Jensen’s calves, and he falls onto it, pulling Jared with him.   
  
Jared laughs; traces of his bright and happy smile peeking through and Jensen feels himself start to smile back. “Does this mean we’re not fighting anymore?” Jared asks, his hand reaching out to brush Jensen’s forehead.   
  
“You sure this is what you want?” Jensen asks one more time, ducking when Jared goes to punch his chest.   
  
“I’ve been telling you that for two months, jackass, so quit trying to get me to change my mind.” Jared blinks, his pretty, slanted eyes watching Jensen carefully. “You ever don’t want me, you tell me, Jensen, because I gotta tell you, I don’t think I’m ever gonna want anyone but you.”  
  
Jensen wants to look down, look away. Everything he’s thinking about how much he wants Jared, needs him, must be showing on his face, and he doesn’t want Jared to know that much yet. He doesn’t want him to know just how sunk Jensen is, how much of himself Jared already owns.   
  
Jared knows, though. Jensen can see it by the way he pulls Jensen closer, his mouth parting on a breath. He’s looking at Jensen steadily, like Jensen’s going to run, but the thing is, Jensen can’t.   
  
He was fooling himself thinking he ever could.   
  
Their mouths meet again and again, slick heat and warm lips. Jared wraps an arm around Jensen shoulders and pulls him so he’s lying half on the bed, half on Jared’s body. A soft tug, and Jensen’s shirt is pulling from the back of his jeans, the rough skin of Jared’s hand stroking up and down Jensen’s back, cool air kissing his skin.   
  
Jensen’s too wound up, too tight, his skin feels hot and clammy and his fingers itch to touch and mark. He thrusts against Jared’s thigh, riding the muscle and biting his lip at how goddamn _good_ it all feels, having Jared’s hands on his skin, his body shaking and hard under Jensen’s.   
  
“Get these off,” Jared mutters, and goes to pull at Jensen’s jeans with shaking fingers. Jensen helps him, and between the two of them they get Jensen’s jeans open and shoved down, and then follow with Jared’s. They’re both still wearing their shirts, but Jensen doesn’t care enough to take the time and take them off. He wants Jared and he wants him now.   
  
Jared’s dick is thick and hot in his hand, and Jensen strokes him slowly, smiling down with a wicked grin. He’s still riding Jared’s thigh, but the way he’s touching and teasing Jared has him writhing and moaning, desperate hands clutching at Jensen’s head and back and sides.   
  
“Jensen, god—“  
  
“This feel good, baby?” Jensen dips his head and nips the bottom of Jared’s chin. He reaches around under his pillow for the bottle of lube, smiling against Jared’s skin when his fingers close around it. Bingo.   
  
“Please, I want—“ Jared whines, his back arching off the bed as Jensen drizzles a thin stream of lube onto Jared’s dick, curling his fingers around the slickness and stroking Jared harder and faster. He trails his fingers down, over Jared’s balls and under, Jared’s legs falling open and his hands grabbing at Jensen and pulling him down harder.   
  
“What do you want?” Jensen asks, mouth curving in a slow smile. He’s forgotten about himself, how hard and desperate he was for Jared just a few minutes before, and now all he wants it to have Jared shaking and coming right here under Jensen’s hands. “You want me to touch you here?” Jensen asks, fingers trailing up, gently pressing against Jared’s heat.   
  
Jared laughs, breathless and broken. “Such a fucking tease.”   
  
Jensen smiles, and leans his forehead against Jared’s shoulder, staring down the length of Jared’s body to watch his hand move down and under. “Jensen, please,” Jared whines, but Jensen shakes his head.   
  
“I’m not gonna fuck you, Jared. Not yet, anyway,” he adds when Jared narrows his eyes and stares daggers at him. Jared’s shirt is sticking to his skin in patches, and Jensen chuckles when he starts yanking at the buttons just as Jensen curls his finger and presses _in_.   
  
“Oh, _god_. Jensen, do it harder, come on.” Jensen’s trying to concentrate just on making Jared feel good, and not the insane tightness and heat around his finger. Just thinking of having his dick in there, Jared so fucking hot and pulsing around him, Jensen driving in again and again with Jared’s legs wrapped around his waist and the headboard cracking divots into the plaster wall behind the bed. _Jesus_.  
  
Jensen knows when he hits it for Jared, because his eyes go wide, then bliss out as Jensen rubs his finger over the ball of nerves inside him. He slides his finger out, then presses back in with two, and Jared’s eyes blow open, shocky and wide. “Jensen, I can’t—“  
  
“Don’t hold it in, come on, baby.” Jensen presses again, scissors his fingers open and closed, and Jared’s keening and coming all over his belly and chest. Jensen keeps fucking him with his fingers, twisting, stretching, until Jared hisses and pulls away.   
  
Jensen lets his fingers slide free and wipes his hand on the sheet under Jared’s ass. “Dude, gross,” Jared bitches, but he’s smiling when he says it, and that right there, that completely blissed out, fucked out expression is what Jensen’s been waiting for. Now it’s his turn.   
  
He gives Jared a little shove against his thigh, and reaches down to take himself in his hand. Christ, Jared was so fucking hot when Jensen was watching him lying there, open and begging Jensen to fuck him, begging for Jensen’s dick and just – Jesus – Jensen can’t remember ever being this turned on, this desperate to find something, a fist a mouth, _something_ to fuck.   
  
“Let me,” Jared says as he bats Jensen’s hand away, circling him with one huge paw and curling up off the mattress to breathe wet and hot against the head of Jensen’s cock.   
  
Jensen shakes and moans. He’s got about three seconds before he comes right on Jared’s face and won’t that be the best thing ever.   
  
“Jared, come on, man.” Jensen covers Jared’s fingers with his and guides his dick up against Jared’s mouth. He rubs the head back and forth across Jared’s lips, watching as they get slick and glossy with traces of his own come, and that’s _it_. Game over, Jensen needs in there _now_.   
  
“God, suck me,” he grunts, and with a flash of pretty green eyes and a sly smile, Jared does.   
  
Jensen wants to go easy, not freak Jared out. Who knows how many blowjobs Jared’s given if any, and the last thing he needs is Jensen taking him by the head and—  
  
“Do it,” Jared says, cutting off Jensen’s thoughts with a breathless command. “Come on, man. Fuck my mouth.”  
  
And _fuck_. Who is Jensen to disagree with an order like that?  
  
He runs his fingers through Jared’s hair, letting the fine strands slip through his palms again and again before making fists and holding him there. Jared blinks up at him with soft eyes and flushed pink cheeks. “Come on, Jensen,” he says, voice thick like honey, and Jensen can’t say no.   
  
Wide wet mouth, slick heavy tongue. Jensen holds Jared’s head and moves his hips slow at first, before picking up speed, fucking him harder, deeper. Jared makes a short, choking sound and Jensen stops, but then Jared is tugging, pulling at Jensen’s hips, forcing him in deeper than Jensen was even going, and he’s done. Gone. Trying to pull back and out before he comes in Jared’s mouth.   
  
He doesn’t really make it. What he doesn’t get in Jared’s mouth winds up on his chin and throat, and he’s coughing a little and spitting right onto the floor next to Jensen’s bed. Jensen knows he shouldn’t, but the whole thing is hilarious, and he’s been through such a gamut of emotions today, hysteria just adds to the list. When he falls onto his back, grabbing his stomach and laughing, he thinks that Jared might actually live up to his threat of kicking Jensen’s ass if the look he’s giving him is any indication.   
  
“You done yet?” Jared snaps. Jensen looks up to answer and finds Jared yanking at the box of tissues on the nightstand and wiping his tongue off. Jensen cracks up again.   
  
“I’m sorry, I tried to—“  
  
“No, you really didn’t. Man, warn a guy next time, okay?” Jared’s trying to sound pissed, but Jensen can see him smiling and he rolls on his side, pulling on Jared’s arm so they’re lying face to face.   
  
“I’ll warn you. I promise,” he tells Jared, before closing his eyes and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Jared’s mouth.   
  
Jared’s cheeks are still pink, and when Jensen pulls away he reaches out and pulls Jensen in by the shoulder. “Seriously, Jensen,” Jared says softly. “Are we okay?”  
  
“We’re good.” Jensen wants to think that he’ll be better about him and Jared from here on, but part of him is still worried that one day Jared will figure out that he’s better off without Jensen in the long run, and Jensen will get screwed. He wishes there was a way to stop thinking that, to avoid it all together, but he knows himself and the only way to prove it wrong is with time.   
  
Jensen really wants to be wrong.  
  
“I meant what I said before,” Jared says. He looks down for a minute, lips twisted in a small frown. “I’m not bullshitting, Jensen. I’m here until you don’t want me.”  
  
Jensen touches Jared’s cheek with his fingers before moving down to trace his full bottom lip. When Jared looks up, Jensen says, “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.” Jared’s smile is all the answer he needs.   
  
  
  
  
-end-


End file.
